I am reading an intersting book as part of my research on social networking called, Throwing Sheep in the Boardroom: How Online Social Networking Will Transform your Life, Work and World. One interesting chapter deals with Facebook friends.
One thing that an online social networker must grapple with is, what is an online friend? In the real world, anyone claiming to have 300, 700, or thousands of friends would obviously have a definition of friendship that is different from the norm. Dictionary.com defines friend as:
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.

In normal, everyday language, we use friend in terms of the first definition. The second definition illustrates a common occurence, where the person who gives assistance to us (or invites the person over) may show themselves to be friends, but we may not feel the same. We are their friend (in terms of def. #1), but they are not really ours (def. #1). The truest definition of friendship ("real friendship") is found in terms of a reciprocal relationship for both #1 and #2.

So what are Facebook friends? A few of these Facebook friendswould be "real friends," which some think reaches a limit at 12. As to social relationships in general,

"the maximum number of people with whom any human being can maintain stable social relationships is about 150. The 150 figure--frequently referred to as 'Dunbar's Number' - happened to correspond to the size of Neolithic villages as functional units. It also matched the size of Hutterite colonies before they split off to form a new community. And, interestingly, the ancient Roman army was divided into legions of 5000 soldiers split into units of-you guessed it- 150 men." (p.48).

Beyond 150, group cohesion breaks down, and rules and regulations--rather than relationships--are required to engender proper behavior.

So beyond the 150 number, Facebook friends are clearly not friends in the truest sence, but acquintances. Friendster, an early social networking site sought to restrict the number of friends a person could have to 150, perhaps based upon the sociological rule. However, people rebelled and began flocking to other sites that were openended. It seems that something else beyond relationships is prompting us to collect large numbers of online friends . . . . This will be the subject of my next post.

Why do you add Facebook and other online social networking friends? What do you think a Facebook friends is?

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What is a Facebook friend? Currently, because most of the individuals who are my Facebook friends are Christians, my number of friends is limited to pretty much those of like mind who share tidbits about their lives...pictures, videos, etc. If we approach this subject sort of like, "who is my neighbor"...that changes things. There is no limit to how many "friends" we could and should have. I believe the term "friend" should be changed, however. It doesn't fit...sort of like the "Young Professionals" group designation doesn't really fit the entire group to which it refers. So...who is my friend...who needs my help...who can help me with problems I have...if Jesus had Facebook friends...who would be included...would anyone be excluded...??? Cooperative Facebook sites...designed to help all...sort of like a e911 line...what are the possibilities...when we work together to help many...
Facebook allows me to categorize friends and acquaintances for the purpose of communication. I have groups of friends such as my high school class, my college class, the young professionals class, ladies ministry class, church friends, etc. I can easily send messages to the whole of each group when needed. I also can see update status' on different people and if it strikes a chord with me I can respond. It has opened up the lives of many people to me in such a way that I can correspond at any moment to any comment, note, status update, event, link, video, etc. The valedictorian of my high school class was commenting (from his mobile phone) on what a tough time he was having skiing down the mountain. Many people started commenting with advice, funnies, etc. All of this while he is skiing down the mountain.

I have about 250 Facebook friends and it keeps growing. None of my friends are strangers. They are all people who have had a connection with me at some point/points in time. There has never been a time to be more connected with people than now. It has also allowed me to grow in a way I never would have before. I used to be shy about talking about spiritual things. Now I've grown in a way where other people from my past who may not have known me too well can read posts or comments from me and they can say to themselves, "Aha! Rebecca is a Christian!" Or, perhaps have a conversation with a stranger about something spiritual. I always grow from those types of conversations.
Rebecca...you are soooooo right. It is much easier to discuss online rather than face to face. Perhaps the "real" you and me comes thru on the internet where we are not stifled by cultural walls, etc. Also...we can rethink and reword what we say so that it comes out more the way we want it to come out. This approach is more in the line of "permissive marketing" rather than "interruptive marketing" since the recipient has to invite us to communicate with them at any given time...it is their choice...they have to push the button to accept our communication. Keep up the great work.
Thanks, Rebecca, for your thoughts. Your post brings up a thought for me. If none of our facebook friends are strangers, and most all of our friends are Christian, then how can we use Facebook to reach non-Christians beyond general advertising? It would seem that we would still need to put a priority on making friends with non-Christians in real life, would it not? Then we could invite them to be our Facebook friend and they could "overhear" our spriitual conversations, perhaps engage them directly in spiritual conversations. What do you think?
Linda, you hit on a good point. We have found a way to be transparent--on the Internet. Ironic, isn't it?

Linda Kay (McPhail) Priddy said:
Rebecca...you are soooooo right. It is much easier to discuss online rather than face to face. Perhaps the "real" you and me comes thru on the internet where we are not stifled by cultural walls, etc. Also...we can rethink and reword what we say so that it comes out more the way we want it to come out. This approach is more in the line of "permissive marketing" rather than "interruptive marketing" since the recipient has to invite us to communicate with them at any given time...it is their choice...they have to push the button to accept our communication. Keep up the great work.
James, this may not be the place for this post, but here goes. The partnership of CNN and Facebook to enable watching a stream of conversation beyond just your friends is, I believe, a great innovation which would apply to Christian outreach. As I viewed the CNN Facebook site, the applications for Christian outreach just filled my mind...bringing people around the world together to share thoughts, videos, pictures... See below:

January 20th, 2009 at 2:58 pm |
Hugh, you raised a very good point and it is something I think they took into consideration because with one click you could watch the entire stream of conversation that was happening beyond just your friends. That was certainly drinking from a fire hose, but it was amazing to see the variety of comments happening from around the globe right there on the screen.
Linda, thank you for alerting us to the CNN Facebook site. We'll check it out. Sounds like a cool idea!
It wasn't really until this week that I realized how beneficial it was to accept even my students, yes I said students, as my friends on Facebook. I had a student that saw me working on one of my devos this week and he asked me about it. In the conversation he admitted to reading my devo postings on Facebook and how much they made him think. Because of this, its kinda like Linda said, friend can be neighbor or those whose lives we try to touch. We never know how one small thing might touch the most distant person!
Debra, your wonderful posts do indeed have a lot of potential to touch outsiders by placing these in the public sphere, such as on Facebook. Being a teacher, you have a great ability to influence people for good. I am sure a great number of students look up to, idolize, and really love Ms. Arvin. Keep up the good work!

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